also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
this will be a night to untag.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
