This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
