i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
how drunk are you?
Several
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
