I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
so much tequila, so little girl.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
