weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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