He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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