hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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