..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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