Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
