I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
