If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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