well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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