i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
