he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
