just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
