I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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