Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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