i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
