Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
