Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
