Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
