my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
