I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
