Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
