Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
