I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
