and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
