Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
