Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
