apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
