my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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