I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
