when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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