Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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