U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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