Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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