It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
