dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I stole a fireplace last night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
