So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
