Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i out mim tonsoeep
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