She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
