walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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