my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
