Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
