Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize