I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
