You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
