If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
