just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize