Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
