Where did you get a picture of my penis
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
