I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
