if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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