My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
