we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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