I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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