I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I would ride that face into the sunset
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
