im having a threesome with these popsicles
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
