My first STD was from a foam party
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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