I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize