Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
