it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
