At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
