i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
