I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
