so explain again why im purple
no
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize