I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
