i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
