I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
