I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
