hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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