Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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