i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
