I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
