so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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