is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
