how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think a kid would responsible me up
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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