Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
