Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
