If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
