so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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