Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
