32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
