Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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