I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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