got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
