if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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