U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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