***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
