K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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