just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
