Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
