I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
