ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
