I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
