Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
